Hey Girls, it's that time of year again - Back to School! There's no need for sad
faces; a brand new year is a chance for a brand new beginning! You can leave last
year's menstrual "accident" behind and emerge as the new groovy chick everyone clamors
to sit next to in the cafeteria. However, you won't be able to cross the popularity
threshold on perseverance alone. Now that we've got your attention, there's one thing
more important than a winning smile, clear skin and writing the star quarterback's term
paper...you'll need the proper wardrobe! But gee whiz, what if you just don't know
how to put together the latest look? Don't be blue. You can turn that frown upside
down because the JC Penney Summer 1969 Catalog is here to help!
Romp & Roll!
How many times have you been teased because your dress failed to make the grade? It's
time to end your days of wardrobe confusion and step out in style with our pert red/white
check pant-dress. The cheerleaders won't spit gum into your hair or throw tampons at
you in the locker room when you arrive on campus in this playful romper. Made of woven
cotton with back zipper and button details, this will be an A+ with the girls and
with the fellas!
You'll start the year with a bang when you arrive in Homeroom 101 wearing this kicky
green shift. Even if you got pregnant by the lifeguard at summer camp who has since
returned to Wisconsin to be with his real girlfriend, no one will ever know your secret!
The vertical piping and lace trim create a slimming effect, while the shapelessness
and high neckline hide your "curves" and add a sense of demure mystery.
Available in Petite, S, M, L, XXL..........6.95
If you're looking to accentuate your slender waist (unlike that pregnant whore in the green),
our smart man-tailored Jamaica shorts and slacks are the way to go. Made of a comfortable
polyester/cotton blend, you'll be the focal point at any social mixer. Blue or Maize
If you're a little 'different' from the other girls, our groovy striped satin shirt with
attached polka dot tie is a look any young lesbian will appreciate. Paired with nipple
grazing zip-front denim Jamaicas (to keep those pesky boys out!), these shorts are sure
to put pep in your step. Far out!
Available in Slim, Regular and Chubby. Sizes 7 - 16.
That Home Economics project can wait! Life should never be all work and no play. This
fun look will leave them with their heads turned and mouths open. The exposed midriff
top with extra roomy sleeves allows the boys to get their baby making juice on your
tummy instead of on your clothes! Complimented by our flare floral-print cotton blend
pants, you'll never leave the party alone again.
Blouse, Sizes 30, 32, 34, 36, 38...........5.97
Pants, Jrs Sizes 5 - 15, also in Petite...5.97
Your mother is just thankful you came to your senses by opting to have the abortion and
not join that hippie boyfriend at the Big Sur commune. On the days when you do find your
way to school, you can blow their minds in this far out floral-print acetate jersey dress.
The extra wide sleeves are perfect for hiding joints and the slip-over design means no
more fumbling with zippers and snaps. The bodice has a high elastic waistband which is
totally groovy for stashing the 'Dolls' you got from Rainbow during second period history
Petite and Juniors sizes 3 - 15..............7.95
Your caller will 'holler' when you answer the door dressed in this snappy white nautical
A-line. Whether it's his last night before being shipped out to fight the slant eyes in
the jungle or you're just enjoying a chili dog at the drive-in, this number is sure to be
a pleaser. All aboard!
Look out Mrs. Robinson! This flirty frock will bring a bit of romantic whimsy to an
evening out (or in!) Acetate and taffeta luxuriate against the skin, while lacy ruffles
at the cuffs and collar add a touch of womanly class.
You can say goodbye to those nasty shag carpet burns after a night of heavy petting on
the rec room floor. This color-coordinated Bra and Panty-Girdle with Hose combo will
protect your knees and keep them picture perfect. The lightweight nylon/Lycra®
spandex Panty-Girdle with 100% nylon hose allows for quick one-step dressing and easy
movement. It's boss!
Available in opaque navy, white, red.
Cup Sizes B & C
Bra Sizes 32, 34, 36.............................3.00
Panty-Girdle, one size...........................3.50
Tasty as Sherbet
Despite the fact that you're failing algebra, you'll always be the head of the class with these colorful
night time coordinates. Besides, a future housewife only needs to know simple math
for recipe measurements (and even those are conveniently printed in the back of the
cookbook!) The soft cotton/Dacron blend is available in three playful styles and sports
this season's vivid new shades. You'll be cute as a cupcake at the next slumber party or
in the amateur X-rated Super-8 movie you agreed to do for $30 in your brother's friend's
basement. Being bent over a pool table was never so pretty! Elastic leg and waistband.
You won't turn into a pumpkin at midnight when you hit the hay in this groovy cotton
long-legged culotte. This keen floral-print night gear with white ruffle trim is
guaranteed to bring pleasant dreams! (Pssst! Hey, moms! If you want to ensure that
your daughter NEVER sees a penis, make sure she's got a pair for every day of the week.
Better than birth control! That's the JC Penney promise.) Tumble dry -- no
ironing needed. Elastic straps. Out of sight!
The corpse could be taken to the Compostorium and placed in a specially
constructed autoclave or pressure cooker. The corpse would have already
been disembowelled and that material placed into a methane digester; this
would have averted the potential danger of pathogens. The gas so generated
would contribute to the slow and steady heat required to render the remains
to a condition ready to be ground up to a kind of slurry to be 'intimately
mixed' with straw and other vegetable wastes.
--The Natural Death Handbook, Chapter 6
Copyright 2017 Daniel S. Fettinger and Lisa Warner, all rights reserved.